Moving forward… an inch at a time

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… And now it’s June! And I’m still awful at blogging on a regular basis.

Actually, what’s troublesome is finding enough time for everything. When I stepped down from my day job two years ago, I thought my new “freedom” would allow me to write for a good part of the day, and edit for other authors in the afternoon — while I also kept up with housework, spending time with my family, taking long daily walks, etc. etc. and so on and so forth.

Yeah, not so much.

I’m getting behinder and behinder. Haven’t found time to shampoo the living room carpet or give the house that “get into every little corner” dusting I planned to do during the springtime. My Facebook author page has crickets chirping as its soundtrack. I rarely tweet. I’m a month behind on the book I planned to publish last weekend. And because I can’t find enough time to edit enough other people’s books, my income is… wobbly.

On the plus side, I get to work in my pajamas. When the spirit moves me, I can put the laptop down and take a walk, or watch some TV for an hour.

So, it’s all good.

It’s all part of the adventure.

Lake crop.JPG

Too Many Voices…

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I’ve been meaning to post for… well, six months now, which is probably enough time to convince you that I’m a terrible blogger. At the very least, an unreliable one. And you wouldn’t be wrong. Slapping a couple of random thoughts up on Facebook (usually accompanied by a random photo of something) is one thing, and putting together an essay that I figure other people would enjoy reading is a whole ‘nother one.

But blogging is nothing compared to putting together a new book for publication.

gray lake crop

Last fall, I ran out of juice. I had several new stories underway, but couldn’t put together the ambition to work on them. Time went by, then more time went by… and I’d made no progress. Then, after the holidays, I had a sudden burst of inspiration and put together all the pieces for a brand-new series. I zipped through first drafts of the first three books, bought the covers, laid out a publication schedule… and then I ran out of gas again.

Why is that? you might ask.

Because the world is full of voices. People with suggestions. People who were happy to tell me just what worked for them. People who posted their sales numbers, which are up in the stratosphere compared to mine. People who were complaining about one thing or another (or a lot of things). That’s a LOT of noise, particularly for an introvert who’s easily overwhelmed by too much input — and it resulted in my completely running out of gas again. I wanted badly to publish these new books in April and May, but every time I looked at them, my heart would sink. The whole world started to look like that picture of the lake I included up above: gray and stormy. Not only couldn’t I envision publishing anytime soon, I couldn’t envision publishing at all.

Then a friend suggested, “Listen to your heart.”

Which is what I wanted to do all along, but other people were telling me I was wrong. Telling me the choices I’d made wouldn’t work, that I should tinker and juggle and cut and redo. Buy different (and much more expensive) covers. Good advice, maybe — for someone who’s not me.

For me, writing is very personal. Most of the time, I’ve done the tinkering and juggling all alone, without offering anyone else the chance to weigh in. Usually, I’ll reach a point where I can look at the story and say, “This is finished now. This is the best way I can tell this story.” At that point, I hit “Publish.” Some of the stories have done very well, from my perspective, at least. Others have faded nearly into oblivion. They didn’t work for the readers.

Would they have worked better if I had let other people weigh in, and followed their instructions? Maybe. But for me, part of the heart of the story would be gone. The story would have become a group effort, and not just the product of my struggling writer’s soul, the story I needed to tell, in its own time, in its own way.

I’m going back to that now. I’m going to turn these new stories loose and see what happens. They may fail; they may succeed to a degree that makes me smile. Either way, they’re true to what I wanted them to be.

I figure that’s worth a lot.

31 Days of Creepy: The Possession

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11168615_oriI started out the month talking about some old favorites – classic scary stuff that’s given me chills over the years. Let’s finish up with something newer – the scariest movie I’ve seen in a long time!

The Possession is the story of a 10-year-old girl named Emily who comes across an intriguing old box at a yard sale. We’ve all had an object “speak” to us, I’m sure, in a way that says “take me home.” The box does that to Emily, but it’s not just the sense that she needs to add this battered old thing to her collection of treasures. It’s literally speaking to her… and that’s only the beginning.

Natasha Calis does a terrific job as young Emily, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Kyra Sedgwick are spot-on as her terrified parents. The direction, photography and music add beautiful layers to the mood. A couple of questions remain unanswered at the end, but overall the story is involving, unsettling, and effective… to the point of making you wonder if you’re really hearing whispers in the middle of the night. Thumbs up to this one – my favorite recent scary movie!

31 Days of Creepy: Chatting with Author Will Swardstrom

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71MNzLaFHIL._UX250_Continuing my conversations with author friends about what creeps them out, on this scariest day of the year…

Meet Will Swardstrom, who’s typically a SF writer, but has dipped into the horror realm with the truly creepy Ant Apocalypse and Z Ball.

Book, movie, or TV show… what’s the one moment that absolutely scared the living bejeebers out of you?

When I was in fourth grade, I was invited to a sleepover at a friend’s house. I typically watched things like Star Wars and Eddie Murphy movies as I recall, so when we watched Children of the Corn, it was way out of left field. Being in an unfamiliar house definitely played into it, I think, but that movie…shudders…I still get creeped out thinking about it. What a scary, scary movie.

Tell the truth: would waking up to find a giant bug crawling on your face make you scream? Or would you attempt to make a pet out of it?

I might actually be too scared to even scream at first. I might be paralyzed by fear and revulsion, but the first move would be to bat it away from me and my face. All those legs…now dog-sized? I can’t even. Arachnophobia really got me as a kid, and of course my story Ant Apocalypse is my first attempt at horror. NO THANKS.

For you, who’s the Master of Horror?

For books, I’ll go with Stephen King. Can’t go wrong there. I really am a wuss when it comes to reading or watching much horror, but that dude is such a great storyteller I can get into any of his books no matter what. That said…the two books that scared me the most: the first is Dragon Tears by Dean Koontz. This was one of his books from the early 90’s where he was still going full-on horror/suspense with his books. In the latter years here he’s toned it down and horror is more of a character to his stories, not the entire setting.

But the one book that scared me the most? Hot Zone by Richard Preston (subtitle: The Terrifying True Story of the Origins of the Ebola Virus). This was in the 90’s when Ebola first became a household name and I read that book. The true nature of it truly frightened me.

What’s the scariest scene you’ve ever written?

The kitten turns into a zombie scene in my book Ant Apocalypse. For sure. I hated writing it (I’m a cat person, honestly), so I forced myself to do it. Listening to it as an audiobook scared the crap out of me.

Zombie Apocalypse. What’s your weapon of choice?

Can I go with Harry Potter’s Cloak of Invisibility? How about Wonder Woman’s Invisible Jet? I would rather just NOT deal with the zombies if I had a choice. However, if I *had* to choose, it would be something that I could use again and again, like a sword or something along those lines where I wouldn’t have to worry about ammunition.

31 Days of Creepy – Chatting with Author Thomas Robins

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61rlT7c956L._UX250_It’s Halloween, horror fans! Scariest day of the year, so I’ve been chatting with a couple of author friends about what creeps them out.

First up: Thomas Robins, author of the popular SF novel Desperate to Escape and the new series The Dragons of Edgewick.

Book, movie, or TV show… what’s the one moment that absolutely scared the living bejeebers out of you?

Alice in Wonderland. In elementary school, our whole school went to an auditorium to watch this film. It terrified me, but I was in the middle of a couple of hundred kids so I couldn’t leave or bury my head in my parents’ arms. I just sat there, horrified for Alice and forced to keep watching. 

Tell the truth: would waking up to find a giant bug crawling on your face make you scream? Or would you attempt to make a pet out of it?

I’d scream like a madman, but probably not because it’s a spider. Things that suddenly wake me up send me into a weird yelling gibberish fit for a minute before I actually wake up. Happens if a fire alarm goes off or a loud clack of thunder comes by. I call it my personal blue screen (from when PCs crash).

For you, who’s the Master of Horror?

Stephen King by reputation. I don’t read or watch straight horror.

What’s the scariest scene you’ve ever written?

I’m in the middle of writing my scariest scene, which is likely to be over the top since I don’t read horror. It’s part of a piece I’m writing for The Shapeshifter Chronicles.

Zombie Apocalypse. What’s your weapon of choice?

A paper map. If I can get my family a few hundred miles to my in-laws’ farm, we’d be able to hole up in safety for years.

31 Days of Creepy – The Outer Limits

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TheOuterLimits-Screenshot-oldOne of my clearest memories from my childhood is of coming home from trick-or-treating and finding my dad sitting in the dark, watching THE OUTER LIMITS on our old black-and-white TV. Back then (1964), I thought the show was weird and scary – lots of strange, eerie music. And lots of monsters.

outer_limits_architects_of_fear_9212The show reflects all the sensibilities of that time — fear of alien invasions, fear of atomic weapons, fear of things we can’t control. It’s humorous now that the monster in “The Architects of Fear,” clearly an actor in a bug-eyed rubber suit, was deemed so terrifying that some of the ABC affiliates refused to air the episode, and others blanked out the offensive scenes. Most of the special effects are primitive, and there’s a lot of melodrama lurking throughout (not to mention the female characters — a lot of devoted wives and girlfriends — who do little more than shriek and cower), but if you dig a little deeper and let go of your 21st century mindset, there’s a lot of great, scary storytelling going on. How far do we dare go to prove a point? When do we reach the point of learning too much? Is knowledge worth losing our humanity?

14789946The show was revived in 1995, and there’s some fine storytelling there as well. My particular favorite episode is “Inconstant Moon,” which stars Family Ties‘ Michael Gross as a lonely physics professor who realizes to his horror that the sun has gone nova and he has only a few hours left to live. (Ignore the incorrect description at Amazon; it’s the correct episode.) If you’re looking for something new to stream, both the 1963 original and the 1995 reboot are well worth your time… especially if you watch in the dark!

31 Days of Creepy – Testament and Threads

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Testament1983I talked the other day about how deeply affected I was by the threat of nuclear Armageddon back in the early 1980s – the idea that any day could be our last. The movie industry was very much aware of that situation, because not one but three major films came out in 1983-84 focusing on the theme of all-out nuclear war: the enduring The Day After (which generally gets all the publicity), Testament, and Threads.

THREADS is a very small, intimate story, focusing on the residents of a small town about 90 minutes away from San Francisco – particularly on a mother (Jane Alexander) and her three children. When the unthinkable happens, she has to find a way to keep her family going: keep them fed, keep them safe, find as much normalcy as possible. It’s a heartbreaking story, and Ms. Alexander’s performance is masterful. Unlike The Day After, there are no happy endings here – no miraculous reunions, no closing scenes that insist that “humanity will persevere.” There is no hope for Carol Weatherly and her children – there is only love.

oB1h2CAUvTlnzrUJInahwR0HJBwThe British production THREADS is even more bleak than TESTAMENT (which reinforces my opinion that nobody knows how to do horror like the British). It focuses on two families, one working class and one middle class – but here, the characters aren’t as important as the situation. Everything’s irradiated. There’s no food, no water. Nuclear winter sets in, and the closing scene is truly blood-chilling.

What I generally find most frightening isn’t stories about ghosts or vampires or Michael Myers-type serial killers — it’s stories that make me think, “Man… this could happen to me. It could happen to all of us.” All three of these 1983-84 productions do that, each with a different focus. I’ve picked these two to recommend because they sidestep the (undoubtedly TV network-mandated) sort-of happy ending, the idea that families will be reunited, everything will be rebuilt, and life will go on. TESTAMENT and THREADS are deeply chilling because of their firm focus on things going bad — reminding us that sometimes, when it comes down to it, all you have to turn to is yourself, and the people you love.

31 Days of Creepy – Ghost Story

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ghost story - peter straub - pocket books - apr 1980“What was the worst thing you’ve ever done?”

Those are the first words in Peter Straub’s classic horror novel, which I read for the first time back in 1980. Back then, Stephen King was my favorite author (and he still is) — but I discovered something new with Straub. Straub digs deeper. Finds out where we really live, what our deepest fears are.

Four old men, friends for many years, meet periodically to tell each other ghost stories. They call themselves the Chowder Society. Their lives are ordinary, more or less – until one of them dies. Then the past rises slowly but surely out of its grave, and the remaining members of the Chowder Society are forced to acknowledge what they did many years ago… and pay the price for doing it.

Straub is a master of his craft. He unfolds his story not in a straightforward manner, but in bits and pieces. Time jumps around. Perspective changes. The whole time, the language is beautiful and evocative.  “Time whittled down to a solid capsule encasing him as he sat helpless in a flying car. Then the texture of the moment changed, time broke and began to flow, and he knew, as passive as he’d ever been in his life, that the car had left the road: everything was happening with unbelievable slowness, almost lazily, and the Morgan was floating.”

A dead girl. Guilty consciences. Making amends for a long-ago mistake. It’s good stuff, beautifully told.

31 Days of Creepy – A Little Peace and Quiet

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logoI bet you’ve been expecting me to talk about THE TWILIGHT ZONE – meaning the original Rod Serling classic. And I will… but right now I’m thinking about the 1985 reboot, in particular part 2 of the first episode. “A Little Peace and Quiet” stars ET’s Melinda Dillon as a harried suburban mom who’s desperate for a break from her noisy, stressful life – and finds it in the form of an odd amulet she unearths in her garden. At first she thinks it’s just a pretty necklace, but when she’s pushed to her limit and screams “SHUT UP!!!!” … that’s exactly what happens. Everyone around her freezes. Time stands still, something that’s at first amusing and useful. But when international tensions reach the breaking point…

4978536391_79140ca6d1This episode sticks with me 30 years after its premiere because the 1980s were a time of incredible stress around the globe. The U.S. and the Soviet Union had amassed a spectacular number of nuclear weapons that might be launched at any time. (“Well, we aren’t that close to anything…” I said to a co-worker. His response? “We’re a couple of miles from the arsenal. If they launch, you can kiss your butt goodbye.” Nope, not the response I’d been hoping for.) So housewife Penny’s dilemma in “Peace and Quiet” resonated with me. She’s got a solution, but it’s a horribly imperfect one, and the final scenes are chilling.

You can find the episode on the DVD set, and on YouTube.

31 Days of Creepy – The Entity

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516YDEWE8PLThere are scary movies – movies with scenes that make you jump and shriek. Scenes that make you cover your eyes – although that’s usually because somebody’s being dismembered onscreen.

Then there are movies that disturb you so deeply you can’t go home. That’s what happened to me back in 1983, when I had a solo movie night with THE ENTITY, starring Barbara Hershey. It’s taken from a supposedly true story involving a young single mother whose home was invaded by an invisible entity that raped her repeatedly over a period of months. In the film version, she enlists the help of a group of paranormal investigators who are at first skeptical… and then come to believe her.

Sometimes, when you live alone, the night gets very, very dark.  I watched this movie at the theater knowing I’d need to go home by myself… in the dark. I don’t honestly believe in supernatural home-invading entities, but THE ENTITY got under my skin so deeply that I couldn’t face being alone. Instead, I went across the road to another theater and detoxed with THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. That eased my fears somewhat, but I still slept with a light on that night.

I don’t know if the movie would have the same impact on a guy, but… maybe. Turn out the lights, make sure you’re alone, and give it a try. I dare you.  :)

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